Eyes to See Beauty

On not comparing

Last summer I decided to dig up an area of our yard that didn’t have much grass and made a flower bed. With Brad’s help, we got rid of weeds and patches of grass. We borrowed his parent’s battery-operated cultivator and freshened up the soil. I used some landscape stones that were stacked up behind the shed to make a border. 

I love the newness of a flower bed. There are so many possibilities!

With some new soil mixed in, I planted sunflower seeds — different varieties of colors and sizes. I’d never grown sunflowers before so I really didn’t know what to expect. 

Much to my surprise, this flower bed became one of the biggest joys of last summer. I watched these flowers grow, grow, grow. 10 feet, 14 feet, and taller. They were incredible. Most days I’d go outside with my camera and capture the leaves and blossoms in different kinds of light. I was in awe of what grew. 

Fast forward to this spring. I expanded the flower bed to accommodate more sunflowers. With Brad’s help, we dug out the grass on the other side of the shed to create a little meadow and room for more sunflowers. 

You see where this is going, don’t you?

I drew a diagram of the flower bed noting where the first planting of sunflowers was located. This would help me identify the locations for plantings two and three. I decided to stagger the plantings so I’d have sunflowers lasting longer into the fall. 

While I was out there, I also planted marigolds, zinnias, dahlias, and cosmos. Sure, it would be nice to have these other flowers alongside all my magnificent sunflowers. 

Let’s pause here for my sweet little self that thinks she can plan everything without a hitch. 

I went out to check the bed daily, watching for those sweet little sunflower seedlings to appear. I didn’t see as many as I expected and when I went out to plant the next round of sunflower seeds I found this…

Shells of the seeds sitting on top of the soil. 

Chipmunks? Squirrels? Birds?

I told myself: they need to eat too. But I also wished they could eat somewhere else, something else. 

I’ve planted at least three rounds of sunflower seeds this season. There’s one growing strong, likely to be tall. There are a few others, maybe from the later plantings that are coming out of the sprout stage. There are a few small stalks that were chewed on and the seedlings in the meadow don’t look very strong at the moment. 

Now, had this been the first summer of sunflowers, do you know how excited I would be that one (ONE!) sunflower was growing a thick stalk and following the path of the sun each day? I would have been thrilled! 

Except this is the summer after the amazing crop from last year. I came into this spring with big plans. It was going to be bigger and better than 2023! I was going to make last summer look small compared to 2024. 

Those pesky expectations have really gotten in the way of me enjoying the beauty of what is in my flower bed this year. So many zinnias in a variety of colors. Bright orange marigolds lining the fence row. Cosmos! Not to mention the sunflowers that are growing. 

Why can’t I appreciate what’s in front of me? Why must I compare these flowers to last year’s? 

The soil could be different. The temperature has been different. Maybe the critters learned from last year and got a head start on their food collection. There are so many reasons why this year is not like last year. 

I loved the summer of sunflowers. It was magical. 

And now, I love the summer of zinnias and marigolds and cosmos. I love the way I can go outside each day and collect enough flowers to create a little bouquet for our table. Last year I was so preoccupied with photographing the sunflowers that I rarely cut them for bouquets. This year, because of the variety of flowers and the necessity of cutting them to encourage new blossoms, there’s more beauty inside too. 

It turns out this summer is also magical. It’s just different. 

When I realized it wasn’t possible to duplicate last year, I could let go of my expectations and let this summer be what it will be. When I stopped worrying about what the critters were digging up, I could stop and notice the flowers that were already blooming. 

I don’t think expectations are a bad thing, but they can get in the way of being present. When I started comparing this summer to last summer, I lost appreciation for the beauty in front of me. 

For whatever else this flower bed holds this summer, I hope I can appreciate what is and worry less about what could have been. Beauty is right here in front of me if I have the eyes to see.